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Who is the God?

humjayega_godTwo Hindu priests were quarrelling over themselves being a God. Hum Jayega fully intoxicated in alcohol arrived at the scene.

First priest, "I am a God."

Second priest, "No, I am the God."

Hum Jayega, "Hey, none of you are God. I am one instead. Do you want me to prove?"

The priests said, yes. Hum Jayega took the two priest to the bar he was drinking previously. Seeing Hum Jayega returning again, the owner of the bar cried, "Oh my God Hum Jayega, you have come back again?"

Photographer Hum Jayega

Once Hum Jayega was working as a photographer in a photo studio.

One day, he had an assignment to take photos in a function. It was the time before the digital camera when photos were recorded in photo film instead of memory cards. While Hum Jayega was inserting the photo film in his camera, the film roll dropped off his hand and rolled (as the name itself was a film roll) away, landing exactly underneath of a woman wearing a saree.

saree_film_roll

Hum Jayega hesitated for a moment but approached the woman and said, "Could you please lift up the saree so that I can take photos."

Dog and bones

Doctor, "Did you know that there are more than 200 bones in a human body?"

Hum Jayega, "Shhh, speak in low voice doctor! My dog is sitting outside in the waiting room!"Dog_and_Bone

Buying the clock of Ghantaghar

321174_236631609720473_100001209078149_699007_1861798671_nWhen Hum Jayega was visiting Kathmandu and was walking besides Ghantaghar, a passerby asked him, "Do you want to buy the Ghantaghar clock?"

Hum Jayega says, "Yes, why not? What is the price?".

The man told, "Give me a thousand rupees and I’ll go get a ladder."

The man took the thousand and disappeared.

Having waited for several hours, Hum Jayega figured out that he was cheated and went to his place, feeling sad.

The next day, Hum Jayega was again walking along the same street, and the same man asks him if he wants to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I’ll go get a ladder."

The Hum Jayega gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I’ll go and get a ladder."

If my father were a …

One day when Hum Jayega was driving a bus, a small kid boarded his bus and sat beside him.

The kid talking to himself said, “If my dad were an elephant and my mom were a female elephant, I would have been a baby elephant.”

Hum Jayega was listening. The boy continued, “If my dad were a horse and my mother a female horse, I would have been a baby horse.”

That was too much when the kid started murmuring again … Fully annoyed Hum Jayega asked:

“What would you have been if your father was a drunkard and your mother a prostitute?

The kid replied, “A bus driver !”

Divorce

Humjayega and his wife went to get a divorce:

Officer: “Why do you want to get a divorce? What happened?”
Humjayega: “She cheated on me.”
Officer : “How? What did Suntali did?”
Humjayega: “She told she will come back in two hours and returned back in 15 minutes.”
Officer : “What’s the big deal?”
Humjayega: “Hee… hee…. hee…. what to say?…. I was with Bimali.”

In Nepali

Humjayega ra usko ko budi divorce garna gayechan,
Officer: kina divorce garna lagnu bhako k bhayo tapai haru ko
Humjayega: yo sarai dhokebaaz nikli tyesaile
Officer: kina k gari suntali le
Hum jayega: 1 ghanta ma aauchu bhanera 15 min mai ghar farki
Officer: ani k bhayo ta
Hum jayega: hehe khai k khai k ma bimli sanga thiya ni ta

Clinical test

Hum Jayega and a man were sitting outside a clinic. The the man was very sad and was crying.

Hum Jayega asked, “Why are you crying?”

The man replied, “I came here for blood test.”

Hum Jayega asked,” So, Are you afraid?”

The man replied, “No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger.”

Hearing this Hum Jayega started crying. The man was astonished and asked Hum Jayega, “Why are you crying?”

Hum Jayega replied, “I have come for my urine test.”

Where does God Live?

Once a teacher was teaching moral science.
The teacher asked Hum Jayega’s son,”Son, do you know where god lives?”

Hum Jayega’s son replied, “He lives in our bathroom.”

Dismayed the teacher asked, “What makes you say that?”

Student replied: “Because every morning my father bangs the bathroom door and shouts “Oh my god you are still there.”

Saving a drowing kid

Some children were playing near a pond. Suddenly one of them slipped into the water. Other children started shouting and people nearby gathered around the place. But none among them could be bold enough to get into the water to save the drowning boy.

After a few moments, everybody saw Hum Jayega  jump into the water. The crowd was excited to see Hum Jayega saving the little boy from drowning.

The boy’s father thanked Hum Jayega for his bravery and said, “You deserve a prize for your courage and boldness?”

Hum Jayega said, “First tell me, who pushed me in to the water from behind?”

Crocodile boots

Crocodile boots

Hum Jayega proposed a woman, “Will you marry me?”

She said, “yes, only if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots.”

Hum Jayega sets off to Africa and disappeared. Finally a search is being made, they found him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one.

He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims, “71st and again barefoot!


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