Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Pluto and Neptune. Everyone must attend it.
Sudent: I am sorry teacher, I won’t be able to attend the lecture. My mom wouldn’t let me go so far.
Lecture on Pluto and Neptune
The manager too doesn’t like it
One day Hum Jayega went to a restaurant to have lunch. The lunch didn’t taste like anything. It was the most most awful lunch he had ever had.
Hum Jayega called the waiter, “Hey! What is this? What type of lunch do you serve. Call the manager. I want to talk with him about it."
The waiter replied, “Sorry sir, he is having lunch in another restaurant. He too doesn’t like having lunch here.”
Sex
Once Hum Jayega was filling up an application form for a job.
He filled all the columns like Name, Age, Address and so on… until he reached the column titled Sex.
He was not sure what to be filled in there. After much thinking, he wrote
"Thrice a week".
He submitted the form to the secretary. She turned red and told him that was not right answer. She said, "Just fill in either Male or Female."
Hum Jayega was in trouble again. After a long thoughts he came up with an answer. The secretary nearly fainted when she read:
"Preferably Females."
When Life Gives You Lemons !
"When Life Gives You Lemons !" to make your life sour, what can you do?
The old saying, probably everyone have heard, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” In reality it’s not that old. The writer of the famous book “How to win friends and influence people,” Dale Carnegie coined the phrase and it has become very popular. So popular that people have made different funny versions of the quote. Here are some:
- When life gives you lemons ask for salt and tequila!
- When life gives you lemons, make sure you send a thank you note for the lemons.
- When life gives you lemons, enjoy all the vitamin C you get.
- When life gives you lemons, collect them and trade them for oranges.
- When life gives you lemons, sell them on ebay.
- When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in your enemy’s eyes.
- When life gives you lemons, ask for the receipt.
- If life give you LEMONS, just rearrange the letters and you have MELONS.
- When life gives you lemon, enjoy the FREE lemon.
More? Please add them in comment!
Taking girls / women to bed
Humjayega defined what the difference is to take girls/women to bed at different ages.
For example, he started with a girl of age 9 and then added 10 each to get the ages : 9, 19, 29, 39, 49, 59, 69, and 79 ?
- At 9 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.
- At 19 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.
- At 29 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed. She always say, ‘Humjayega.’
- At 39 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
- At 49 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
- At 59 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.
- At 69 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
- At 79 — What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???
The Father Humjayega
Humjayega’s son went to college and wrote a letter home:
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
Humjayega was a TRUE father of such an intelligent son. The reply reads like:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad.
Favorite flower
Once Hum Jayega and two of his friends were sitting together. An Englishman came up and asked, “Hey guys, what is your favorite flowers?”
One of the Hum Jayega’s friend replied, ‘Lotus’
‘Ha, I clean my shit with that!’ the Englishman jeered
The friend got angry.
Another friend replied: ‘Jasmine’
‘Ha I clean my shit with that!’ The Englishman response
He also got angry.
The Englishman asked Hum Jayega, ‘And what is your favourite flower?’
Hum Jayega replied: ‘Cactus! Now clean your ass with that! “
Who is the God?
Two Hindu priests were quarrelling over themselves being a God. Hum Jayega fully intoxicated in alcohol arrived at the scene.
First priest, "I am a God."
Second priest, "No, I am the God."
Hum Jayega, "Hey, none of you are God. I am one instead. Do you want me to prove?"
The priests said, yes. Hum Jayega took the two priest to the bar he was drinking previously. Seeing Hum Jayega returning again, the owner of the bar cried, "Oh my God Hum Jayega, you have come back again?"
Photographer Hum Jayega
Once Hum Jayega was working as a photographer in a photo studio.
One day, he had an assignment to take photos in a function. It was the time before the digital camera when photos were recorded in photo film instead of memory cards. While Hum Jayega was inserting the photo film in his camera, the film roll dropped off his hand and rolled (as the name itself was a film roll) away, landing exactly underneath of a woman wearing a saree.
Hum Jayega hesitated for a moment but approached the woman and said, "Could you please lift up the saree so that I can take photos."
Dog and bones
Doctor, "Did you know that there are more than 200 bones in a human body?"
Hum Jayega, "Shhh, speak in low voice doctor! My dog is sitting outside in the waiting room!"